my phone needs a breathalizer
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
