found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
