my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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