I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
