i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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