Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
