Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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