just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
