Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
