Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize