i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize