Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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