I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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