Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
