If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
