I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
