Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
