I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I am naked and annoyed.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
