If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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