we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
