So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
