I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
