the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
