Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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