The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
