dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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