i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i think i have herpe
just one?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
