His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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