you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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