I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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