tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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