Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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