Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
