my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
COCAINE IS GR8
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
