You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
