I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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