You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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