the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
