OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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