Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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