I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
