What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
