4 words: hood of his car
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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