my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
