Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she peed on how many people?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
