I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
