good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
