insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
