if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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