He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
