just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
