I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
