Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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