He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
