Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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