there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
