You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I can't put those talents on a resume
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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