In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
