Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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