Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
