my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
