Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
