He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i think my cat just said my name.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize