We're facebook friends in real life
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
