UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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