Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
