Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
