I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
