Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
not ubering you a puppy
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
