Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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