Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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