No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
