I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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