I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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