He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
