Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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