why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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